Pugilistic Parenting

I’m a horrible father.

I know this because my 14-year-old son tells me so on a regular basis. At times, he’s probably right. I have a tendency to “get loud” when really I should listen. Sometimes I jump to conclusions, when I should give him a chance to explain his side of the story.

I really thought I was ready for these troublesome years. I remember my middle-school years only too well. They were rough. I was never particularly popular. The fact that I was an Army brat meant that I was often the new kid in school. But I recall making my way through the pitfalls of early adolescence. So I honestly thought I was ready to help shepherd my son, guiding him away from the problems I once faced at his age.

Fat chance.

The problem that vexes me most is the volatile mix of excess testosterone and other hormones. Throw in the competitive nature of our society and you’ve got a recipe for violence.

My son has had his share of run-ins with classmates. Unlike his father, he’s limited it so far to some jawing back and forth and a couple of shoving matches. Within a few days of showing up at my new school in the 6th grade, I’d gotten into two honest-to-goodness, knock-down, drag-out brawls. Lost ’em both. The funny thing is, I ended up becoming friends with both of the guys I fought.

So when I got the call from the school principal that my son was in detention for almost coming to blows, I struggled to find the right response. Part of me wanted to chew him out. But I didn’t take that road. Instead, I started wondering if perhaps letting the boys go at it wasn’t such a bad idea.

This issue has had some exposure lately. South Oak Cliff High School was exposed for the practice of ushering kids into a steel cage to settle their differences MMA-style. Right idea? Maybe. Poor execution? Doubtless.

You see, I can understand the feeling these young men get when they want to test their mettle against their peers. Around this age, they’re beginning to grow into their bodies, while still trying to figure out how to control their emotions. Coordination starts to catch up with growth spurts. Strength increases to new proportions. Meanwhile, they’re put into competitive, often physical, situations with sports like football, basketball, wrestling and soccer. Maybe we should be shocked if fights didn’t break out now and then.

I’d much rather see these adolescent pugilists find an outlet for their aggression in a controlled environment than in the alley on the way home from school. Set up a ring. Strap on some over-padded gloves and head gear and let ’em go. A couple of those experiences, and I’d bet the desire to “settle things like men” would quickly fade. Certainly there would have to be limits as to how the matches were organized. And most definitely all parties — kids and parents — would have to agree this was the right course.

I’m sure I’ll be painted by some as a Neanderthal-thug with no sensitivity. But I do know that young men — and even older ones — are wired by nature with a certain amount of aggressiveness. Trying to bottle that up is kind of like sticking your finger in a hole and hoping the dyke doesn’t crumble. Instead, let’s find a controlled outlet for these feelings and perhaps we’ll raise a healthier generation of adults.

As published in the Dallas Morning News, Saturday, May 2nd, 2009. Link

Preventative Parking Pays

Somebody is going to get hurt.

Note the lack of “may” or “might” or “could” in that sentence. It probably has already happened, though I’ve not heard any specifics. But without a doubt, if we don’t do something, sooner or later someone – most likely a small child – is going to come to harm.

The situation I’m talking about appears every Saturday at Frisco’s Warren Sports Complex. An access road runs from the entrance along Rogers Road over to El Dorado Parkway. On the left are multi-purpose fields that accommodate soccer games in the spring and football games in the fall. On the right: the unimproved expanse of dirt (the grass is long dead) that becomes prime parking for hundreds of cars every weekend. A few years ago, the City acknowledged what had already become fact and put in a couple of ramps up the curb, so cars could stop dragging their mufflers across the concrete.

The source of the problem is twofold. First, parents park their cars right up to the curb, some even poking out into the street. This being Frisco, Texas, we’re not talking about sub-compacts, either. No, this lot is full of the hulking behemoths that make up a large proportion of our motorized population; vehicles more than large enough to totally hide a 7-year-old soccer player dashing to join her team before kickoff. Vigilant drivers who comply with the 15 mile-per-hour speed limit are likely to spot such hazards. But that leads to the second problem. They don’t comply. I’ve seen way to many parents – and sadly most of them ARE parents – pushing the limit to make sure their little Meagan or Austin gets to the game on time. And I’m boggled by the number of drivers careening down that path with a cell phone glued to their ears. This weekend, I caught sight of one mother holding the phone against her shoulder, while reaching into the back seat to do who-knows-what.

This, dear readers, is a calamity waiting to happen.

There are several remedies which could help, and the City’s Parks and Recreation department is considering some of them. The idea of paving that field and putting in permanent parking is one option. However, this would lock up an area that might be used for additional facilities in the future. The cost of putting in a paved lot, just to rip it up again in a couple of years is not palatable in a time when the city is facing a budget shortfall. Other suggestions revolve around changing how those fields are used, perhaps assigning older children to those fields to reduce the likelihood of a younger child running out. Other considerations might be speed bumps and dedicated sidewalks to focus the crossing families into clearly identified areas. My suggestion for a quick, low-cost remedy is to erect fences set back from the curb to allow some space between the traffic flow and the parked vehicles.

As for the drivers, I’d like to see the Frisco police department step up their enforcement along that stretch during game days. It’s amazing the effect that a patrol car or even an officer standing along the road side can have on the behavior of drivers. We don’t currently have a city ordinance banning the use of phones while driving in our city parks (maybe we should?), but I’m betting the old “reckless driving” statute could be applied to the aforementioned soccer mom.

But I’m never one to sit around waiting for government to solve our problems. What can you and I do to help ensure the safety of our young athletes? I’m glad you asked. First of all, if you’re one of the parents coming to Warren for a game, try parking your car back from the curb a bit. Better yet, drive a little further and park in the existing lot near the pavilion. You may have to walk a bit further, but isn’t getting exercise one of the reasons you’re at the park in the first place?!? Next, SLOW DOWN. The speed limit is 15 mph, but even that might be too fast if there’s a lot of pedestrian traffic crossing the road. And go ahead and stop to let those people cross. A little courtesy may deter someone from risking the mad dash. Finally, hang up the damn phone. I promise, there is nothing so important that it can’t wait till you park your car.

If you’ve lived in Frisco for any amount of time, and you have kids, chances are you’ve spent some time at Warren Sports Complex. It’s a great facility and one we can all be proud of. But sometimes things can be a victim of their own success. Let’s all slow down, take some extra time and help prevent a very preventable tragedy. And let’s do it BEFORE someone gets hurt.